Presumably Dr. Livingstone

In college, I used to feign sickness in order to get out of giving speeches in class. The fear of public address I had known in middle school and high school had blossomed into a full grown phobia. This, of course, is most certainly part of the reason God called me to preach and teach.

At this point in my life, I essentially have no more fear of public speaking. I still get a little hepped up sometimes when I have to play, sing or speak but it's a far cry from the crippling emotions I used to experience. No big deal, thanks to a merciful God.

Apparently the Scottish medical missionary David Livingstone wasn't much for oratory either at first. Not only was he unimpressive in his delivery, but on one occasion when he was asked to speak at an evening service in Essex, he completely forgot his carefully crafted and memorized sermon a few minutes into the message and hurried out of the pulpit with the words, "Friends, I have forgotten all I have to say."

If I had a nickel for every time I've felt that way facing a crowd . . . lost my train of thought . . . felt incapable of properly delivering the message . . . achingly aware of my weaknesses.

In reading this story of David Livingstone, I was just reminded of my own frailty and the goodness and mercy of God. I'm sure glad I don't have to deal with that fear anymore. These days, I don't pray for the "shakes" to go away long enough for me to speak, but I do pray along with Spurgeon, "may infinite wisdom cure us of the madness of self-confidence." I don't want to swing too far in the other direction.

I'm a little bit more of a fit vessel than I used to be in delivering God's Word, but that's none of my doing. He's been very merciful and kind. Even if my knees still knocked and my teeth still chattered like they used to, I think I'd be glad to be a fool for Him.